Top 10 Indicators That Your Life Has Gone Totally Sideways

1. You end up performing naked ballet with kolas for the pleasure of Chinese businessmen.
2. Every dream you have involves a clown, a poodle, a turkey baster, and your unfiltered imagination.
3. You wake up comfortably in your bed; everything seems all right. However, you have a tracking anklet on with no idea how or why you got it.
4. Your prize game cocks turn on you. It’s not pretty.
5. You wake up in the dark and every place you touch is slimy and cold.
6. You’ve been recruited as a hitman by the Chinese mafia. However, you have absolutely no skills and they’ve decided that your first target should be the ghost of a long dead cocaine warlord who has supposedly been haunting mafia leaders. You are given a toothpick, some silly putty, Kleenex, and two days to complete the task.
7. Every dog you pass on the street growls at you, even seeing eye dogs.
8. You end up being kidnapped by aliens who want to use your kidneys to make a gourmet appetizer for one of their president’s state dinners.
9. Every wanted poster you see bears an uncanny resemblance to you, even ones that have pictures of people of the opposite sex.
10. You end up trafficking black-market whale testicles to Japanese men to increase their potency.